That Pretty Lady Just Farted, I Think

INTRO

All right kiddo, is it time to change your diaper yet?  [Sniff] Yep that's pretty gross.  Let's get you cleaned up.  [Sniff] Ugh... How can somebody so cute have poop that stinks so bad? Actually, I guess it's kind of fitting.  Let me tell you a little story...

VERSES 1-2

An acquaintance who I knew from work
Who I thought was a bit of a jerk
Asked if I'd like to go
To a party he'd throw
With loud music so ladies would twerk

I thought it was pretty clear cut
That it's rude to check out people's butts
Still I had the night free
I'd go, but I'd be
A gentleman no matter what

From the moment I walked in the door
I wondered what I'd even come for
I tried to have fun
But I knew no one
I just stared at the living room floor

’Til I smelled an exotic perfume
While waiting in line for the bathroom
Standing right behind me
Also waiting to pee 
Was a girl who brought light to my gloom

CHORUS 

I said, “I’ve never smelt that, I mean, it smells great ”
She said, "Thanks, I like to make my own scents.”
I said, “I know what you mean, music’s what I create.”
She said, “Making things is cool, and is time well-spent”

VERSE 3

My heart soared into the air
And I wondered did I even dare
Hope that she liked me too
‘cause if it was true
Then just maybe we’d make a great pair

But then it got awkward real fast
And each second dragged out from the last
Conversation died
I was wholly tongue tied
And it felt like our moment had passed

CHORUS

I said, “Sooo… Nice weather?”
She said, “Yeah… A little cool for the date.”
I said, “I know what you mean, I should have brought a sweater.”
She said, “Hey person in the bathroom how long do we have to wait??”

VERSES 4-5

I was sad it was falling apart
At an end before it had a start
But fate, though unseen 
Loudly intervened
When she loosed a remarkable fart

[Fart break]

There was no trace of red on her face
She felt not the slightest disgrace
Though everyone knew
Beyond doubt it was true
It was her who had stunk up the place

I know that farting is taboo
But sometimes it's just what one must do
Though perhaps immature
I knew for quite sure
I needed to rip a fart too

CHORUS

I said, "Sure, but how about…” [fart] 
She said, “OK, but then…” [fart]
I said, “Yeah, but check out…” [fart]
She said, “That reminds me of when…” [fart]

BRIDGE 

After that little display, we were politely asked to go
We laughed all the way to a cozy cafe I know
We’ve been together ever since, and we will never outgrow
Being as loud as we can, when we feel the need to blow

CHORUS x2

I say, "Sure, but how about…” [fart] 
She says, “OK, but then…” [fart]
I say, “Yeah, but check out…” [fart]
She says, “That reminds me of when…” [fart]

I say, “What would you advise about…” [fart] 
She says, “I recommend…” [fart]
I say, “I don’t mean to doubt, but…” [fart]
She says, “I guess in the end…” [fart]